Posted in Personal life, Reading, Writing

The Obvious Solution to a Christmas Giftwrapping Crisis

Front and back cover of Instead of a Christmas card
Is it a card? Is it a present? I don’t care, it’s dead easy to wrap!

Starting to sort out my box of Christmas gifts that I’ve been steadfastly filling over the last few weeks, my heart sinks at the odd shapes that I’ve committed myself to wrapping. I still have quite a few presents to buy, including the one at the top of my daughter’s wish-list – a pair of Heelies (wheeled trainers). I’m hoping these will come in a box, or I’m in trouble.

Boxing Clever

cover of Band on the Run
…as was the girlfriend shortly afterwards (Photo via Amazon store)

I’m reminded of a Christmas in my teens when my then-boyfriend decided to liven up his gift wrapping by disguising his presents to look like something else, so that the recipients couldn’t guess what they were. I’d asked him for an LP of Wings’ Band on the Run. (Yes, I am that old – and for my more youthful readers, I should probably explain that an LP is a long-playing record album, as opposed to a single. Yes, we’re talking vinyl here – out of fashion long enough for it to be coming back into vogue again now.)

When he brought my gift round, it was a big box the size of an LP but about four inches deep.

Oh, how lovely, I thought, he’s bought me something extra too. I wonder what it is?

Cue huge disappointment when the parcel turned out to contain only the record, plus a lot of empty packaging. I tried not to look crestfallen. After all, we were only teenagers, and records were expensive.

Unfortunately he didn’t know that when you are in a hole, you should stop digging. Guessing that I’d expected something else, he added in his defence “My mum said not to get you anything else in case you split up with me again.”

I bet you can guess how that relationship ended up.

Booked Up

In the meantime, I’ve decided that for the rest of my Christmas shopping this year, I’m going to buy the ultimate easy-to-wrap present for everyone – a book, carefully chosen to suit each recipient’s interests, so that I can put my energy into the fun of book browsing rather than wrestling with wrapping paper.

If you’re after festive books for your friends and relations, let me leave you with a few recommendations. Biased, me? Well, it is my blog, 😉

Array of Christmas books by Debbie Young
All now available to order in paperback online and from my local community shop, the Hawkesbury Stores (so from global to local there!) “Stocking Fillers” may also be ordered  from bookshops if you quote ISBN 978-0-9930879-2-9. Clicking the image will take you straight to my Amazon page.

 

Posted in Personal life

Flu Fury

(My column for the January issue of the Hawkesbury Parish News)

Baby Laura asleep in winter fur hat
My daughter Laura demonstrating at an early age that sleep is the best medicine

When, like a less powerful cousin of the Grim Reaper, flu stalked the village before Christmas, I was one of its victims. The first half of December passed me by in a blur.

It’s only when you’re on the mend from a nasty bug that you realise how poorly you’ve been, and what bad decisions you’ve made while unwell, e.g. being fobbed off with an unnecessary prescription for penicillin by the GP’s triage system. Continue reading “Flu Fury”

Posted in Personal life, Writing

The Gift of Time for Christmas

Laura with arrangement of Playmobil figures
Santa and tiny friends (including Iggle Piggle) visiting Laura many Christmases ago

With just a week to go before Christmas Eve, most households are likely to be going into overdrive just now, wrapping presents, writing cards and stocking up with groceries for the holiday season. Having lost most of December to illness, I’ve not written a single card yet, and as I type, my daughter, now 12 and old enough to be very useful, is wrapping all my presents for me.

I’d already started panicking about running out of time last month, when I wrote my column for the December issue of the Hawkesbury Parish News, which you can read below. But if you’d like an antidote to this dilemma, I’ve also added below my short story, “Christmas Time”, which is one of twelve in my festive collection, Stocking Fillers.

CHRISTMAS LISTS (from the December issue of the Hawkesbury Parish News)

Axel Scheffler's 1st Class Christmas stamp for Royal Mail 2012Don’t let anyone fool you that February is the shortest month. It’s actually November.

Being an old-fashioned type,  I wait until after Guy Fawkes Night before I start thinking about Christmas. Then, without warning, I discover it’s nearly December, and I’ve still not done any Christmas shopping or written any Christmas cards.

In hope of catching up with myself, in mid-November I ask my daughter (12) what she’d like for Christmas. As she’s already planning her birthday party for next May, I’m surprised she hasn’t yet presented me with her usual A4 wish-list.

“I don’t really need anything.” Her candour is refreshing. She passes the baton to my husband, quizzing him on what he’d like.

“Socks,” he pronounces, with certainty.

“But you’ve got dozens of socks in your wardrobe,” I point out. “You just need to pair them up.”

“In that case, for Christmas, I’d like someone to pair up all my socks for me,” he concludes.

No-one asks me, so I ask myself what I’d like for Christmas. More time, I decide, I just need more time. Then when I flip the calendar over to look at the next month, I discover that my gift has already been delivered: December, unlike November, has a whole 31 days.

Well, that was a cheap round, Santa, but I think your work here is done.

Merry Christmas, everybody!

Knitted nativity scene
The Knitivity, on display at the St Peter’s Hospice shop a few years ago

CHRISTMAS TIME (A short story from Stocking Fillers)

My annual Christmas present from my godmother, Auntie Fay, may be small in size because she has to post it all the way from Australia, but it’s always a tonic that helps me get through the whirlwind of preparing for a typical family Christmas.

No surprise, then, that I can’t resist opening her parcel the moment it arrives. This year, it landed on my doormat on 23 December. Seeing her beautiful copperplate handwriting on the label beneath the showy Australian stamps made my heart skip a beat with excitement. Settling down at the kitchen table, I peeled off the outer wrapper to reveal a small Christmas card bent protectively around a tiny square parcel. I ripped off the glittery paper, sending specks of silver fluttering up around me as if heralding a magic spell. To my surprise, inside lay nothing more remarkable than a slim alarm clock. Its circular clock face bore a stylised world map, reminding me of just how much distance lay between Auntie Fay and me. Around the edge of the clock face ran the slogan “Stop the world!” repeated several times.

I flipped the clock over to see whether it was made in Australia, but found no clue. There were just the usual knobs, time set and alarm set, and three buttons labelled off, stop and snooze. I adjusted it to English time, then twiddled the alarm set knob to match the time so that I could check out the sound of the alarm. It was a pleasantly low vibrating purr that I didn’t think would be audible beyond my side of the bed. Then I noticed a raised pillow-shaped symbol with an arrow pointing to it, suggesting that the clock should be tucked under the pillow for the gentlest, most comforting of awakenings. I liked the sound of that.

Feeling vaguely guilty that, like a badly brought-up child, I’d taken stock of the present before the card, I set the clock down on the kitchen table and opened the card. It showed an unlikely scene of a wombat and a kangaroo exchanging Christmas gifts. What would they buy each other? I wondered. Inside, opposite the printed greeting, the page was filled edge to edge with Auntie Fay’s handwriting, its neat script at odds with the rambling message. She always wrote exactly as she talked.

“Jessie my dear, I hope this little gift will help you get more rest and catch up with yourself. I couldn’t help noticing you looked a little tired in that last lovely photo you sent me of you and Jake and your dear boys, haven’t they grown? More like your father every day, that’s no bad thing, he’s a dear boy too, at least he was when we were small, though always bigger than me, of course. Don’t try to do too much at this busy time of year, will you? Get plenty of sleep and you’ll all enjoy Christmas so much more. Those buttons on the back are there for a reason, you know, so make sure you use them!”

I put Auntie Fay’s card on the kitchen dresser, where it could stand in proxy for her throughout the season’s celebrations. Then I went upstairs to slip her gift under my pillow before getting on with my chores.

 

By bedtime I was bleary eyed from a long day of channelling the twins’ excitement into constructive behaviour. We really didn’t need quite so many paper chains, but making them keeps six-year-olds occupied for ages. I flung myself wearily into bed, forgetting Auntie Fay’s new clock until I fluffed up the pillows for a soothing late-night read. I showed the clock to Jake, who was sitting up in bed playing Hearts on his tablet.

“That’s cute,” he remarked. “But surely you’re not planning to set an alarm for tomorrow, are you? We’re on holiday! A fortnight without work, hurrah!”

“Are you kidding? I’ve still got all the presents to wrap, mince pies to make, vegetables to peel, stuffing to mix, plus loads of cleaning to do so the house looks half decent for when our folks come round for Christmas dinner. The kids are messing the house up faster than I can tidy. In fact, even if I didn’t go to bed at all tonight, I’d still have trouble fitting everything in.

Jake set the tablet on his bedside table, leaned over to give me a quick kiss, then lay down facing away from me.

“Well, wake me up when you’ve finished, love. I’m on holiday. Night night.”

I set Auntie Fay’s alarm for 7am and slipped it under my pillow.

 

I woke up to its gentle purring what seemed like moments later. The light was still on, my reading book had fallen sideways in my hand, and there was just enough traffic roaring past the house to confirm that the rush hour was about to begin.

Hazy with insufficient sleep, I pulled the clock out from under my pillow, flipped it over and hit a button on the back to silence the purr. Jake slumbered on peacefully as I threw back the duvet and wrapped my dressing gown around me. The refreshing silence from across the landing told me that, by some miracle, the twins were also still asleep. I stuffed my feet into fluffy slippers and stumbled downstairs to brew a sustaining pot of tea. I needed to be fortified before I tackled my to-do list.

I decided first to take advantage of the continuing peace upstairs to wrap all the presents. Job done, I hid them in the ironing basket (the last place Jake or the boys would think to look) before taking a cup of tea up to Jake. He was still spark out, as were the boys, so I left the tea on his bedside table. As I went back downstairs, I slipped one hand into my dressing gown pocket in search of a tissue, only to discover that I’d absent-mindedly put Auntie Fay’s clock in there instead of putting it back under my pillow. Turning it over to check the time, I realised with a start that it still said seven o’clock. Had I inadvertently dislodged the battery? No, it was still ticking. So why had the hands not moved on?

But I couldn’t spare the time to investigate, so I tucked it back into my pocket and hauled the Dyson out of the broom cupboard. The noise of vacuuming would certainly wake the boys, but it had to be done. Yet as I tucked the Dyson back in the cupboard half an hour later, there was still no sound from upstairs. Suddenly filled with panic, I ran upstairs to check the boys were still breathing. They were, but they were asleep, so I tiptoed back downstairs to start cooking.

Not used to such peace in the mornings, I clicked on the radio for company. I was just in time to hear the BBC’s pips marking the hour, immediately followed by the announcement of the seven o’clock news headlines. Spooked, I quickly pressed the off switch. Surely I’d done at least three hours’ work since Auntie Fay’s alarm woke me up at seven? For a moment I wondered whether it had reverted to Australian time, but that made no sense because the time difference between our countries is more like twelve hours than three.

I distracted myself by setting to work on the mountain of vegetables that I planned to prepare and leave in the fridge, ready to cook on Christmas Day. That job done, I started on the mince pies.

By the time the third batch was cooling on the wire rack I was feeling peckish, so I made another pot of tea and some toast. I thought I’d take Jake a fresh cup. When I nipped upstairs to get his mug, predictably still untouched, I was astonished to find that the tea in it was still as hot as when I’d poured it hours before. It was as if time had stood still.

I sat down on the bed with a thump, not caring whether I disturbed Jake now, and drew Auntie Fay’s alarm clock out of my dressing gown pocket. I didn’t need to look at it to know that it would still say 7am. I turned it over to double-check which button I’d hit to turn off the alarm. One was still depressed. It was the stop button. And then it hit me: with my Stop the World clock, I’d stopped the world.

I had a sudden panic. Was the action reversible? Quickly I hit the stop button again, and as it sprang back up the second hand started to move. At the very same moment Jake awoke.

“Is that my tea? Thanks, love. Happy Christmas Eve!”

All at once, from the twins’ bedroom came sounds of excitable boys on the cusp of their seventh Christmas. Having already completed my chores for the day, I realised to my delight that I could now relax and enjoy the day with them.

 

By the evening, I was in a mellow mood and unusually calm while bathing the twins and putting them to bed. Then Jake and I enjoyed a relaxing evening watching television with a jug of mulled wine. While Jake was out of the room on a quest for Pringles, I raised a silent toast of gratitude to Auntie Fay for her thoughtful, magical gift of time.

My gratitude to her did not end there. I’d told the boys they were not allowed to wake us on Christmas morning until six o’clock. I had the foresight to set Auntie Fay’s alarm clock for one minute before six. The moment I felt its gentle purr, I slipped my hand beneath my pillow and felt for the stop button. Then I turned over, snuggled down under the duvet and leaned in to the warmth of Jake’s back. Plenty of time yet for a nice lie-in. Christmas Day wouldn’t begin until I was good and ready. Smiling, I closed my eyes.

THE END

Cover of Stocking FillersIf you enjoyed this story, it’s not too late to order Stocking Fillers, the book of twelve stories from which it’s taken, in ebook or paperback form. The paperback’s available from various local bookshops, and both ebook and paperback are available to order online from Amazon and all the usual suspects. Just search under ISBN 978-0993087929 for the paperback, or for the title and author name for the ebook. 

Posted in Reading, Writing

What’s in a Book Title?

(My column for the December 2015 issue of the Tetbury Advertiser)

9780993087929
My special subject: the obvious title

Now that we’ve made it past Halloween and Guy Fawkes Night, I’m spending a little time each day promoting my festive book, Stocking Fillers.

I intended the title to signal that it contains short stories, to avoid upsetting any readers who feel shortchanged by fiction that isn’t in the form of a novel. Only after the book was published did I appreciate the subliminal helpfulness of a title that is also a serving suggestion: “Makes a great, er, stocking filler”, as I have been known to tweet.

At any time of year, the choice of book title is a sensitive issue for any author and a make-or-break decision for publishers, who will spike an author’s preference if it’s not commercial. Not that title is an infallible predictor of sales: Best Seller, by Timothy B Sagges, languishes in obscurity.

Before and After Classics

The Last Man In Europe smacks to me of smug tabloid phraseology, reminiscent of The Sun’s infamous 1992 headline, “If Kinnock wins today, will the last person to leave Britain please turn out the lights”. In 1948, George Orwell’s publishers preferred 1984, which quickly passed into popular culture as shorthand for an oppressive, controlling regime. Yet if a book with that title were published today, we’d assume it was a nostalgic memoir of the year in which Sweden won the Eurovision song contest with a song called Diggi-Loo, Diggi-Ley. Now there’s a title of questionable judgement, unlike their compatriots’ all-conquering Waterloo ten years before.

Which leads us  neatly into consideration of All’s Well that Ends Well, an inappropriately cheery working title for the huge, serious, philosophical tome about the Napoleonic Wars eventually published as Tolstoy’s War and Peace.

photo of robin on a branch
It may not be a mockingbird, but you’ll have to admit a robin is festive (in the UK, at least)

Even the most carefully chosen titles for international classics can cause confusion. Or is it just me? Until I read it for the first time this autumn, I didn’t latch on to the significance of Harper Lee’s title, To Kill A Mockingbird (originally written as Atticus). Then part way through the book, Miss Maudie explains it’s a sin to kill a mockingbird because it does nothing but give people pleasure. It’s thus a symbol of innocence destroyed. Dare I confess that I’d previously assumed a mockingbird to be an annoying parrot-like mimic, an unsurprising target for any short-fused American with easy access to handguns?

Thank Goodness for Book Covers

December coverIt’s not easy to come up with names that work around the world and across cultures. Vauxhall found out the hard way that in Spanish Nova means “doesn’t go”. I discovered too late that in the US, they prefer the term “stocking stuffers” to the one I’ve used for my festive book title. If it wasn’t for its Christmassy cover, they might presume my book is all about legs.

I’d like to thank the team behind the perfectly-named Tetbury Advertiser for another year of dedication, hard work, patience and good humour, and to wish you all a very merry Christmas and a happy and healthy 2016. See you next year!