Posted in Family, Personal life

Watch the Birdie!

English: An illustration of Blue Tits by Henri...
Image via Wikipedia

This morning finds us perched on the counter in the utility room, binoculars in hand, the RSPB’s list of common garden birds in the other. I’ve instructed my daughter to be mouse-quiet so as not to frighten our feathered friends away, but she’s so excited about taking part in this national survey that she can’t stop herself occasionally bursting into song or throwing a few dance steps to release her pent-up energy.

This term her class topic is the Awesome Environment, so our adoption of birdwatching as our new hobby for 2012 is timely.

Unfortunately the level of our knowledge is not so helpful. The sort of birds I recognise most readily are unlikely to be seen pecking up the toast crumbs and bacon rind outside our back door.  There will be no penguins, puffins, pelicans, parrots or flamingos.  A peacock is pretty unlikely – though we did once have one pass through our village.  As to an oven-ready chicken – no, I don’t think so. Laura’s pretty confident about blue-tits, but we’re still slightly unsure if what we’ve just seen is a female blackbird. (It’s not helping us by not being black.) But we’re elated when we spot and correctly identify a chaffinch and a collared dove.  Well, it’s a start.

But then a black and white creature appears that is definitely not on our bird-spotting guide: it’s got four legs and fur.  Go away, next door’s cat, go away! No wonder the birds have all dispersed. A little later a marmalade monster stalks through from the other direction, and I realise why birdwatching never really caught on in this household before: we’ve only recently stopped keeping a cat ourselves (the last in a long line died, ending a 20 year feline reign). No wonder I’m no great shakes at identifying species – yet.

Logo of the RSPB
Image via Wikipedia

When we set the kitchen timer for the hour-long stint demanded by the RSPB. I wasn’t optimistic that Laura would hold out for the full sixty minutes.  I considered negotiating for shifts, but that seemed defeatist.

And I’m glad that I didn’t give in, because throughout the hour we enjoy each other’s company as we sit comparing notes. I’m ashamed to say I can’t think of the last time we did something sedentary together for such a long stint, other than watching a film. Stories and games never last that long, and setting aside an hour seems an extravagant use of time in our action-packed days.

To be forced to share this hour on a calm, quiet, shared activity turns out to be pure luxury and it passes all too quickly. When the timer finally pings, we feel as calm as if we’d just done an hour’s yoga (something we used to enjoy together when she was a toddler). Thanks to the intervention of our furry neighbours, we’ve only seen a few dozen birds, but I think our ornithological interest has become permanently engaged. You’d better look out, birds,  we’re watching you….

(It’s not too late to join the world’s biggest birdwatch: click here for more information.)

If you enjoyed this post, you might also like:

Garden Birds: The Perfect Pets

The Blackbird Diet: How To Lose Weight By Feeding The Birds

Posted in Family

Seize the (birth)day and celebrate yourself

The i newspaper front page 18 January 2012Whoever tells you their birthday means nothing to them is lying. Even if you’ve no plans to party, I defy you not to feel a frisson of excitement as the clock ticks round past midnight and your birthday officially begins.

There’s something thrilling about spotting evidence of your special day. Wherever the date appears in public – on the masthead of a newspaper, on the start-up screen of a computer, on a notice about roadworks – it seems as if the world is celebrating your birth.

18th January: this day belongs to me.  Although I despise the  ostentatious show of wealth, I will forever regret not snapping up something I spotted for sale a few years ago: the personalised car licence plate DEB181 – a double celebration of myself.

This year, the first place I see my special date is on my mobile phone.  I keep it by my bed to wake me up each morning with a gentle tune. Beneath the date appears a message to remind me (as if I could forget): “My birthday”.  I instantly feel a sense of history, as my mother must also feel when she sees this date written down. On this day, so many years ago, my arrival changed her world for ever- and mine began. (For my part, 23rd May will forever be one of the sweetest sounding dates in the calendar: it’s the day my only child was born.)

19th January 2012 date on computer screen displayBy contrast, seeing 19th January pop up on my phone the next morning is a gloomy reminder that normal service has now been resumed. All that lies ahead is dreary, indebted January and foggy, freezing February. It’s a very long haul until Christmas and my next birthday.

I’ve always felt hard done by that my birthday comes so soon after Christmas.  It would have been even closer if I’d been born on my due date, instead of two weeks late.  I knew my own mind even then.  As a child I envied my brother for having the perfect birthday: 21st June, the summer solstice, half way between two Christmases.

Even so, a birthday is a birthday. Better seize the day. Happy birthday, dear me!

Posted in Family

A Mother’s Worrying is Never Done

Laura with Grandma on the day she was born
"Sorry, Grandma, no eyes!"

The day my daughter was born, I was briefly convinced that she had no eyes. As the obstetric nurse placed her gently in my arms, I took my first look at Laura’s tiny screwed-up face and fell instantly and deeply in love.

“Oh well, we’ll get by without eyes,” I thought to myself, groggy from the drugs that facilitated my Caesarean.

As the days passed and the drugs wore off, it became apparent that not only did Laura have two fully functioning eyes, but that they were two of the most beautiful blue eyes with the longest, darkest lashes that I am ever likely to see.

This was my introduction to maternal hyper-anxiety.

Baby Laura before she had hair
If I cuddle her close enough, maybe some of my hair will creep across to her head

Next on my worry list was her hair – or rather, her lack of it.  As Laura neared her first birthday party, I despaired of her ever growing any.  Peach fuzz is all very well if you’re  a peach, but there comes a time when a girl really needs a ponytail.

But I needn’t have worried. By the time she started school, she had an ever-thickening crop of long, lustrous hair.  We even had to buy a special brush to penetrate it.

Then came the worries about her education.  I tried every trick imaginable to encourage her to read – phonics books, word games, flash cards, reward charts (and yes, I admit it, bribery).  But would she volunteer to pick up a book and read? Oh no.  The more I cajoled, the more resistant she became. Then came a visit from the Rainbow Magic Fairies (thank you, Daisy Meadows), who cast their own special spell on her, and suddenly she couldn’t put books down.  Before I knew it, she was in the top group of readers in her class. At last I achieved my ambition: to have to tell her to get her nose out of a book.

Number bonds – who needs them?  Laura was convinced that she didn’t and she resisted my attempts to teach her.  I began to despair that she’d ever get the hang of them.  At times I wished I could graft my Maths O Level on to her, as a loving mother might donate a kidney to her ailing child.  Then just the other day she startled me by correctly adding four double-digit numbers in her head faster than I could and I realised she’d got it at last.  Tick, star, VG, house point.

Now the wretched times tables loom.  Games cards, charts, pictures books and yes, once again the bribery, are all being ignored by my wilful child.  Psychology follows: “You only have to learn them once and then you’ll know them for ever.  Just do this thing!” Tonight I add threats to my dubious repertoire of persuasive techniques: “If you don’t learn your tables, you’ll have to do a really boring job when you’re a grown-up, like picking up litter on the streets all day.” Is this bad parenting?  Mental cruelty? Probably.

Laura - with eyes and hair
"Look Mum, eyes AND hair!" (We got there in the end.)

But the biggest challenge of all is: when will I ever learn to stop worrying about her? Never, I suppose, is the answer.  Because no matter how old she is, she will always be my baby.  My father told me recently that he still thinks of me as being about 6.  No wonder he often calls Laura Debbie.  I think of him as being about 33 – the age he was when I first became aware of grown-ups’ ages.  I’m now way beyond the sum of those ages, and I know that he (and my mum) still worry about me.

But at least I know my times tables.

 

If you enjoyed this post, you might like these earlier posts about a mother’s worries:

The Perils of the Supermarket

How Do Larger Families Get to School on Time?

 

Posted in Family

Let It Snow: My Best Childhood Christmas Memories

If, like me, you are worrying about whether you’ve got the right Christmas presents for your children, you should stop right now.  Because thinking back to my childhood, I’ve realised that all the best Christmas memories have nothing to do with the presents.  In fact, I can hardly remember what they were, though I’m sure I had my fair share.

BABYCHAM DAYS

My fondest recollections are mostly about special events with my family. There was the year that my cousins Jackie and Fred came to us for Christmas dinner.  As the youngest in a crowded house, the three of us, aged about four to eight, were given our Christmas dinner around the coffee table, along with a miniscule bottle of Babycham and three liqueur glasses – unthinkable now, but a pretty good strategy on my parents’ part to guarantee a quiet Christmas afternoon.  Not long after, my cousins emigrated to Canada, making this one-off event an extra-special memory.

AVON GIFTS FOR GIRLS

Then there were the predictable annual visits from other less adventurous relatives. Auntie Shelagh and Uncle Alan, with their brood of four, would come to deliver an assortment of Avon products – for the girls, a peach-shaped soap on a rope or a bottle of cologne with a peach-shaped plastic stopper that I’d try to make last all year.

SEEING THE LIGHTS

Journeys to and from relatives were fun when there were Christmas trees to count in the windows of the houses we’d pass, walking Scout’s page (ten steps walking, ten steps running) to keep us warm.  This was another smart strategy on my parents’ behalf to stop us clamouring to get the 51 bus instead, though our family fare would have been just 1/2d (“two fours and three twos, please”).

But there were bigger trees to admire.  One special night each December, we’d catch the train from Sidcup to London Charing Cross, half an hour’s ride away.  We’d stroll through the West End, admiring the lights put up to decorate Oxford Street and Regent Street.  These days they are a disappointment, with the same pattern echoed along each road, but in those days, every string was different.  We were dazzled by simple 1960s technology: coloured light bulbs on a wire. After that, we’d head to Trafalgar Square, a stone’s throw from our train home, and admire Norway’s annual gift to our country: a huge Christmas tree that seemed nearly as big as Nelson’s Column.  We never tired of joining in the community carols around it.

SCHOOL CELEBRATIONS

Then there were school festivities to enjoy.  For one infant school Christmas party, we were excited to be allowed to make a hat on a theme of our choice out of crêpe paper.  I remember being incredulous that the teacher did not recognise the inadequacy of yellow paper for my requested nurse’s hat.  Presumably all the white had been used up for the inevitable scissored paper snowflakes that adorned the school hall.

It was also at infant school that I first became aware of the power of Christmas carols to move an audience.  As I stood on the stage with my friend Patrick, both of us chosen as soloists for “In the Bleak Midwinter”, I found it odd that the grown-ups could look so tearful when I sang what seemed to me  a happy song.  It’s still my favourite carol today, though I struggle to suppress the purist objection that it never snows in Bethlehem.

THAT SPECIAL SNOWMAN

When I was in the juniors, I was thrilled when my grandparents were persuaded to stay at our house one Christmas Eve.  There really was no need, as we lived within walking distance of each other.  Perhaps they came because the previous year we’d been living the other side of the world, in California, and they wanted to make up for lost time. They slept on the sofa bed in the lounge by the tree and must have loved being woken up by us at the crack of dawn (well, maybe!)

Better still, that afternoon, my grandmother volunteered to come outside into the garden to play with me in the snow.  Together we made a real, proper snowman, a little smaller than me, and we dressed it in the pink plastic mac that I’d just grown out of.

BEST CHRISTMAS EVER

But best of all was the first Christmas that I’d been deemed old enough to go to midnight mass.  This was not because I was religious (I’d got over my holy stage by then, fostered by the evangelical church we attended in California), but because I wanted to be allowed to do the same as my big brother and sister, and didn’t want to miss out on this grown-up privilege.

I forced myself to stay awake to trudge the mile or so to the Church of the Holy Redeemer.  This was the plain grey, low (in every sense) church in which my parents were married, we children were christened, and my grandfather was choirmaster. The evening was drizzly, chill and grim as we entered the church, which was bright and warm and welcoming.  We all took the time to admire the colourful crib scene lit up by the altar. The vicar, Mr Daniels, was a family friend, small, rotund and gentle, and it felt more like going round to his house to hear him talk rather than anything religious.

The service came to an end quite quickly (maybe I’d nodded off for a bit), and soon we were all heading for the exit – a black arched door half way down the side of the church.  Mr Daniels had already sprinted round from the vestry to bid us all goodbye there, shaking the grown-ups’ hands and kissing children like me on the forehead, seizing our young heads in both hands to secure his target.

As we’d sat in the middle of the church, we were near the front of the departing queue and stood back as Mr Daniels threw open the heavy door for the first to leave. And then came a moment of wonder that surpassed anything mentioned in the service.  For the churchyard was covered in the most perfect blanket of snow. We all gasped in delight, transfixed by the big flakes still falling steadily against the orange glow of sodium street lamps.  We’d never guessed that the weather could be so transformed in such a short space of time.  You had to admire God’s timing, for there it was – the real evidence of Christmas.  Deep and crisp and even, snow on snow.  The best Christmas present ever.

May your Christmas this year be just as blessed.

(What are your favourite Christmas memories?  I’d love to know!)

Posted in Family, Personal life

When it Comes to Christmas Presents, Small is Beautiful

Laura's display of Playmobil characters and other small friends ice-skating at Christmas (Note Santa passing by in his sleigh)

‘Tis the season to start tidying!

In the Young household, the arrival of the Advent calendar kicks off our annual quest to banish clutter. When Santa arrives, we don’t want to have to tell him there’s no room for new toys – or so I keep telling my daughter Laura.

Not that we’re anticipating a flurry of extravagant gifts this year. Now approaching her ninth festive season, Laura has produced a positively frugal letter to Santa, reflecting our current economic climate. Even if he delivers everything on her Christmas list, it won’t take up much space. The intriguingly specific “yellow and white doggy key-ring” and “a biro with different colours” should fit easily in her pocket, while the requested “air freshener” will require only a couple of square inches of shelf space.

While I applaud my daughter’s restraint, I’m anxious that she doesn’t miss out on the most important Christmas present of all: a large cardboard box  to play for the rest of the holidays. (They don’t call it Boxing Day for nothing.) A few weeks ago I invested in a big wooden ottoman for my bedroom. The even bigger cardboard outer in which it was packaged has since provided Laura with many happy hours of creative play. First of all it was a bus, taking her cuddly toys on outings. Then, as easily as Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, it turned amphibious, morphing first into a rowing boat then into a sailing ship. With the children from next door as stowaways, she spent a happy Saturday sailing round the living room. You don’t need to live in the Lake District to beat Swallows and Amazons at their own game.

Laura’s pocket-sized presents are the antidote to the huge items on my husband’s wish-list. After a pleasant hour of Googling, “a large telescope with stand” is soon joined by “a powerful SLR camera” without which, it seems, no serious telescope is complete. At least I won’t have to find house-room for these gifts, because he’s also desirous of “a garden observatory” in which to use them. I’d like to see the postman fit that through our letterbox.

To be honest, I’m now at an age when I neither need nor covet Christmas presents. I’d be happier to have none at all. For me, as an atheist, the festive season is all about spending quality time with family and friends, and I’m planning my December social calendar like a military campaign. Though to my mind there’s no finer place than Gloucestershire to spend Christmas, our festive tour of duty will take us as far afield as Scotland to ensure we can catch up with all those we love best. The only disadvantage is that after this holiday, I think I’ll need another one to recover. Alternatively I could just go AWOL now and again to escape the action – unless Santa brings me the one thing featured on my Christmas wish-list: a cloak of invisibility.

Happy Christmas, everyone!

(This post was originally written for the December 2011 edition of the Tetbury Advertiser.)