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The Blackbird Diet: How to Lose Weight by Feeding the Birds

English: Song thrush (Turdus philomelos) The s...
The plumper the bird, the thinner the person who feeds it

One of my New Year’s Resolutions has morphed into a New Year’s Revelation – that feeding the birds is an excellent aid to losing weight.

No sooner do I start chucking stale bread crumbs outside the back door at breakfast time than  a  few blackbirds, thrushes and robins arrive to peck them up.  They hop cheerfully about the patio, jerking their heads this way and that, while I admire their beautiful, subtle markings.  Give me the gorgeous tawny speckles of a song thrush any day over a peacock’s gaudy markings – though one of those occasionally visits the village too.

Debbie Young - toddler's tea party
"Eat your crusts or your hair won't curl". I can only conclude that I was force-fed an awful lot of crusts.

Intelligence of my new cafe travels fast on the avian grapevine.  Gratified by the birds’ speedy response, I decide to bump up their rations.  Here is the excuse I need to cut the crusts off my morning toast.  I’ve been averse to crusts since childhood, when I was implored to eat them to avoid waste.  (The nice man next door who gave me tiny pencils filched from the betting shop, also told me to eat my eggshells or my hair wouldn’t curl.  I had natural ringlets like Shirley Temple’s.)

The toast crusts quickly disappear, once soaked in water, as per the RSPB‘s advice to stop them swelling up post-meal in the bird’s tiny tummies. On consulting the bird feeding book (a Christmas present to myself to inform my new hobby), I discover that blackbirds and thrushes like chopped apples.  Out go the yellowing contents of the fruit basket. Ends of cake and the remains of a packet of mini doughnuts are added over the next few days. Far better to boost the birds’ calorific intake than mine.

Cooking bacon for breakfast at the weekend, I instruct the family to cut every last sliver of fat from each rasher.  This source of high energy helps birds survive cold weather. In my cosy hide behind the forest of pot plants on the utility room windowsill, I am rewarded by close-up views of nut-brown speckled songthrushes tucking into a fatty brunch.

By lunchtime, the patio is bare, so I scout around for a top-up and alight on the Christmas cake. Plenty of plump dried fruit in there to boost a chilly bird’s body temperature.

When my daughter starts back to school, my attitude to her lunchbox is transformed. I used to dread opening it on her return home to find half of it untouched, destined only for the compost bin. (She eats like a bird herself – a very chatty parrot, too busy talking to her friends to make time to finish her lunch.) Now I make a beeline for her lunchbox every day after school, viewing it as a welcome source of afternoon tea for my feathered friends.

No meal is unaffected by my new garden diners. Having been brought up to clear my plate, I’m now keen to leave a bit of rice here, a handful of of pasta there, to make sure there’s something hearty on the patio, ready for when the birds descend at dawn. And as I seek out high energy snacks for the birds, I’m gladly and painlessly pruning my own consumption of carbs and fat.

Feed the birds, tuppence a bag - Mary Poppins image
The bird lady from the Mary Poppins film

So there we have it. Janet’s Theory strikes again: if you want to get something done, do something else.  Feed the birds and you’ll lose weight.  And you don’t even have to pay tuppence a bag.

Further proof of Janet’s Theory:

Author:

Optimistic author, blogger, journalist, book reviewer and public speaker whose life revolves around books. Her first love is writing fiction, including the new Sophie Sayers Village Mystery novels (out 2017), short stories and essays inspired by her life in an English village. She also writes how-to books for authors and books about living with Type 1 diabetes. She is Author Advice Centre Editor and and UK Ambassador for the Alliance of Independent Authors (ALLi) Advice Centre blog, an ambassador for the children's reading charity Readathon, and an official speaker for the diabetes research charity JDRF.

5 thoughts on “The Blackbird Diet: How to Lose Weight by Feeding the Birds

  1. Happy new year Debbie and family. Thank you for your writings which keep me saying to my husband, as I did just now, “See, she does that too!”.
    “Who?” He asks.
    “The other Debbie Young!”
    Although I don’t do it to lose weight since I have 2 jobs and have come to conclusion Hormones control. I love to feed the birds and critters that scurry about in our back yard searching for food. My father and mother have names for the chipmunks at their home. My father gets a yearly huge bag of peanuts in shell for a christmas gift from a few of us.
    Thanks again for entertaining and allowing us into your life. Debbie

    1. Thanks, Debbie, and a very happy new year to you and your family too! How strange that we have so much in common – maybe there is something in Numerology after all! Great to hear from you – and please do keep in touch!

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