Posted in Personal life

Raising A Toast To Hawkesbury Upton

English: The Post Office, Hawkesbury-Upton, Nr...
Hawkesbury Upton Post Office (Photo: Wikipedia)


Hearing that there will be cocktails on sale at this year’s PTA Auction, I wondered why no-one’s ever named a cocktail after our lovely village of Hawkesbury Upton. Here are my suggestions:


  • The Hawkesbury Showstopper – created in honour of our annual Horticultural Show, a blend of sloe gin and dandelion wine, garnished with a three foot stick of celery and a sliver of prize marrow.
  • The Hawkesbury Monumental – combine in a very tall glass one measure of crème de menthe (to represent our green and fragrant fields) and one of blue curacao (for our clear skies). Make sure the glass is full of cracks and frost it in winter. Drink seven at a time, as a tribute to the Monument’s views of the River Severn.
  • The Hawkesbury Shop Splasher – a little bit of everything in a generous sized glass, served with a big smile and a soupcon of gossip. There’s something in it to meet everyone’s needs.
  • The Hawkesbury Post Office Parcel – a glass of fragrant southern hemisphere wine garnished with cottage garden flowers, gently warmed over a scented candle, to be sent to your table by Special Delivery (you’ll have to sign for it on receipt or we’ll take it away again and just leave a card saying sorry).
  • <The Hawkesbury Primary School Pop –warm a small carton of milk on a classroom radiator for two hours and pour into an unbreakable plastic cup. Garnish with the sticky fingerprints of at least three different children, and don’t go out to play until you’ve drunk it.
  • The Hawkesbury PTA Partypopper – well, it doesn’t matter what you put in that one, you know what the PTA are like – they’ll drink anything!


Hope to see you at the auction!


(The Hawkesbury Primary School PTA Auction is the village school’s biggest annual fundraiser, when we sell dozens of interesting lots donated by our supporters. This year it will take place at the Village Hall on Saturday 9th March from 7.30pm. Everybody welcome! I’ve been on the PTA committee for the past six years,  by the way, which gives me licence to make jokes at its expense. I was also on the Horticultural Show Committee for 13 years, and the Youth Club Committee, and the Village Hall Management Committee. Not bad for a person who hates being on committees.)


 This post was originally written for the February 2013 issue of Hawkesbury Parish News.