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A Life Less Resolute

“2011 will be the year in which I ….” Resolve hangover cure

Can you complete that sentence yet?  Chances are, you can neatly slot in an answer inspired by your New Year’s resolutions.

Not me.  It’s not that I don’t have ideas for resolutions.  I’m certainly eligible for all the usual suspects:  eat less, drink less alcohol, go to bed earlier, exercise more.  But last year I didn’t actively make any resolutions, yet 2010 turned out to be one of the best years of my life.  It’s a formula I’m happy to repeat.

How did it happen?  Well, a radical resolution actually came at me from out of the blue, several days into the new year.   It was as sudden and unplanned as Newton’s apple falling on his head and, in my small sphere, about as revolutionary. I was in the first meeting of the year with my boss when I suddenly heard myself calmly tendering my resignation. It was unprovoked by her: we hadn’t had a row or a punch-up.   But in a light-bulb moment, I suddenly realised what I really wanted the new year to bring:  a better and less stressful work-life balance.  Amidst the sturm and drang of the Christmas break, spent caring for a very poorly daughter, this idea must have been churning away in my subconscious, but I simply hadn’t noticed.   I’m not sure which of us was the most surprised at my resignation – me or my boss.  But both of us recognised, several months down the line, that I was a happier, healthier person for this impulsive decision, and I’ve not had a single regret since.

So this year, I’m going to take the same approach.   Though I love the new beginnings and the promise that a new calendar brings, I don’t think New Year’s Day is the best time to make resolutions.   In any case, for most people in the UK, the word “RESOLVE” is inextricably associated with the commercial hangover cure of the same name – and probably quite a lot of them have consumed it today.   This doesn’t exactly create the most positive vibes.  Far better to let the freshness of the new year permeate the subconscious and see what surfaces at its leisure.

So watch this space.  Anything could happen in the next 365 days…

Happy New Year!

Posted in Family, Personal life

A Winter Makeover

Poland. Garden.
Image via Wikipedia

Overnight my garden has had a makeover.  When I opened the bedroom shutters this morning, I discovered my garden had turned green.

I should have anticipated this transformation last night, when I went out to collect some firewood from the shed and heard an unfamiliar noise on the conservatory roof: a soft, persistent drumming.  I was given a clue as to its identity: wet slippers.

“My goodness, it’s rain!,”  I cried aloud.  “I remember rain! ”

It was a very welcome sound, not least because it meant it was no longer cold enough for snow.  There followed the rush of relief that a cloudburst must bring to drought-ridden nations.  I told myself briskly not to be melodramatic – in my case, the arrival of rain was hardly a life-saver.

Even so, the sight of a verdant garden this morning was a delight after weeks of the monochrome of snow.  For a moment I was Dorothy, opening the door of her black-and-white house, air-lifted by the Kansas tornado, to find the glorious technicolour land of Oz.  I’d forgotten how green my garden could be in the middle of winter.  Yes, there are rusting remains of sweetcorn and sunflower stalks, but these are eclipsed by bright and copious ivy, glossy grass and the ever-optimistic leaves of spring bulbs.

The experience felt like a mini Winterval celebration, a welcome reminder in the darkest depths of December, at the time of the shortest nights, that the sun will return. It’s surely no coincidence that this Christmas, amid blanking piles of snow, more people than ever seem to have felt the need to put up colourful outdoor lights.  I was no exception.

I began Advent with a string of soft white lights in the apple tree in front of my house.  Nothing garish for me, I decided, sifting through B&Q’s festive offerings.  But when I got home, I discovered that against an all-white backdrop, my subtle choice was insignificant.   I swiftly added some magenta and royal blue  Christmas tree baubles to the stark brown branches and was astonished by how many neighbours remarked favourably upon them.  Then a few days before Christmas, I decamped from any attempt at good taste and strewed a string of brightly coloured fairy lights over the porch.  Along with my candle arch in the living room window and the Christmas tree lights in the old shop window (my house used to be the village post office), these conspired to lift my spirits (and my core temperature) every time I went outside the front door.

When I was a child, we used to make a game of spotting lit-up Christmas trees on the walk home from tea at my grandparents’ houses.  I’ve played that game every Christmas ever since, dismissing from my mind any prissy environmentally-friendly thoughts about wasting energy and causing light pollution.  (Who wants to stargaze in sub-zero temperatures anyway?)  Though caustic about the first one I spotted in mid-November this year, by the time the snow fell I was going out of my way to seek them out.

One night when leaving my sister’s house, I braved ice-packed sidestreets to investigate a glow of near-daylight intensity.  I followed the light, magi-like, to the end of a cul-de-sac, where four houses were festooned with enough flashing Santas and prancing reindeer to necessitate 24-hour sunglasses for the residents. It was worth the dangerous detour.

And now, mid-morning, there’s a fine mist descending, the teasing ghost of the snow that’s melted away.  As spring steps up to the starting line, all that will be left is a white memory, dwindling to homeopathic strength.  By the New Year, we’ll all be sighing nostalgically about how beautiful it was while it lasted, all thoughts of school closures, delayed mail order and car crashes forgotten.  But even so, I’ll be very surprised if we’re craving a white Christmas next year.  Here’s to colourful New Year!

Posted in Family, Personal life

And So This is Christmas…

Hourglass
Image via Wikipedia

It’s as if the whole world is on fast forward.  Sitting down to write this month’s column, I can’t help feeling it’s only a week since I sent in the last one.  Getting my daughter ready for her weekly tapdancing class on Tuesday, I had the impression that I’d done the same the day before.   I still have to concentrate when writing a cheque to ensure I don’t date it 2009.

When I was 14 my history teacher, Ms Trebst, explained to the class that one’s concept of time changes with age.  A five year old has to wait 20% of her life from one Christmas to the next, she told us, while for a 50 year old, the interval is just 2%.

We were sceptical.  Ms Trebst had a reputation for getting things wrong.  For a whole lesson, she’d talked to us about “Visgoths” before we pointed out that as it was spelt Visigoths it must be pronounced Vizzy Goths.  “What, like Fuzzy Bear?” she gasped in disbelief, as if this tribe of barbarians couldn’t possibly be called something that sounded a bit cuddly.

Ms Trebst was also renowned for debauched habits. To mark multiple-choice tests , she’d use her cigarette to burn holes in a sheet of A4, making a template for where the right answers should appear on the test paper.  She offered extra marks if we stapled chocolate to our homework.  But at least she marked it properly.  Another teacher failed to spot a cake recipe that my friend had embedded in her essay to test her theory that he graded your homework according to how much he liked you.  She got an A.

But time was on Ms Trebst’s side.  I’ve been around long enough now to know from first-hand experience that  she was right.  I perceive everything to be happening 7 times faster than my daughter does, because the ratio of our ages is currently 1:7.  It must be tough being a new-born baby.  That first day in the big wide world, it must seem literally like a life time between the first feed and the next.  No wonder babies cry so much.

Oh well, better sign off and email this column off before the deadline – then sit down tomorrow to write the next one.

Merry Christmas, everyone.  Of course, it will be over all too quickly, but don’t worry, there’ll be another one along before you know it.

(This post was originally published in the December 2010 edition of the Hawkesbury Parish News.)

Posted in Family, Personal life

The Perils of the Supermarket

Guinea Pig baby. About 8 hours old.
Baby guinea pig, 8 hours old - image via Wikipedia

At first, the stress of this week’s supermarket shop is magnified by the need to dodge frequent ambushes of Christmas goods, displayed in virtually every aisle.  But it is also assuaged by bumping into a friend of mine by the petfood.

At this point my small daughter begins jumping up and down, doing what my friend calls “the toilet dance”, so I despatch her to the customer loo near the vegetables while my friend and I enjoy  a stress-busting chat before tackling frozen foods.

I’m confident that I won’t have moved on by the time Laura returns, but in any case we have in place our emergency plan as to what should happen if either of us ever gets lost in the supermarket – to meet at the checkout furthest from the entrance.  In Laura’s opinion, the person getting lost won’t necessarily be her – she defines the lost person as the first one to notice that the other one is missing.  So mostly that’d be me, then.

After a jolly chat, my friend, up against the clock, makes her farewell and trolls off with her trolley.  I turn back to the  pet food.  Hay, for the guinea pig – not to be confused with straw.  If you’re a guinea pig, the difference is crucial, according to the Piglogpedia, a wonderful reference book that the guinea pig rescue lady made me promise to buy before entrusting us with Brownie and the late lamented Ginger.  She must have had her baby by now, I realised, and wonder whether hay would work as an environmentally-friendly alternative to nappies.

“Excuse me!”

I’m wrenched from my reverie by an elderly lady with pink hair, whom I’d seen earlier out of the corner of my eye while I was chatting to my friend.

“Don’t you think you are being rather irresponsible sending your daughter off to the toilet by herself?”

I blink, taken aback.

“No, I don’t think so.  She knows where it is.  We went there on the way in.  She’s been there lots of times.”

She scowls at me and shakes her head, setting her pink curls trembling.

Anything could be happening to her in there while you are chatting with your – friend.”

She spits out the last word contemptuously.  My friend, I hasten to add, is the pillar of society, respectable, sober and about as sensible as you can get.  It’s not as if she were covered in tattoos and offering me a swig from her cider bottle in a paper bag.

I shake my head.

“I don’t think so.  Laura’s 7 and she’s very sensible. You have to let them start to have some independence sometime, you know, and that’s what I’m doing now.”

Her reaction makes me wonder if she thinks “independence” is a slang for some kind of illegal drug.

She narrows her eyes, threateningly.

“You may think so.  But my friend’s daughter is seven and she was attacked two weeks ago in a toilet in Tesco’s.”

It’s on the tip of my tongue to say “And that’s why I don’t shop in Tesco’s” but I don’t think this would go down too well.

“Thank you for your concern, but I am happy with my parenting skills,” I say tersely, trying to take her advice in the spirit in which it was intended.

Happier than you should be with your hairdressing skills, I’m thinking to myself.  I bite my lip.

And right on cue, Laura comes skipping back round the corner.

“Hello, lovely Mummy!” she says winningly and the lady with pink hair shuffles off, clearly disappointed.

But as I turn back to the hay, I give Laura an extra little hug.

“Hello, my lovely big girl.”

And as we progress to the bakery aisle, I’m holding firmly on to her small, trusting hand.

Posted in Family, Personal life

Giving Thanks for Thanksgiving

Christmas decoration at a shopping mall in Brazil
Image via Wikipedia

“Shall I put some Christmas decorations up now, Mummy?”

My daughter has just put the Halloween decorations away in a box to be stored in the cellar till next October.  She’s acquired quite a collection of plastic pumpkins in her seven years, each with a different feature – a ghoulish laugh, an integral torch, a battery-powered spooky judder.  It made a surprisingly cheering montage in our front window.

Since Laura was tiny, we’ve enjoyed making seasonal displays that can be seen from the front path, echoing our house’s past as the village post office with a permanent shop window.  Now that there’s a post-Halloween void, she’s itching to fill it.

“Wait until after Guy Fawkes Night,”  I plead, taking a rare opportunity to dust and polish the bare windowledge.

Obediently, she potters off, humming a Christmas carol.  I’m unwilling to fast-forward my thoughts to December, but I realise I’m unlikely to gain much of a stay of execution.  We’ve already had to pack our Christmas shoeboxes for school and the Nativity Play has been cast.

“I’m going to be Mary!” piped up an excited voice  as a throng of infants  headed out of school on Guy Fawkes Night.

I appreciate their teachers need a long run-up to the festive season, to be sure that the children know all their lines in time. I just wish I didn’t feel compelled to rush in to December when November has barely begun.  As it is – whoosh!  not only will November hurtle by, but in no time at all 2010 will be a thing of the past, and we’ll be giving a nostalgic sigh each time we remember to write 2011 on a cheque.

What we really need is a late November festival to act as a brake on the speed of the year.  Harvest Festival is long over, but there are still some leaves on the trees – why not an Autumn Leaf Fest to mark the baring of the skeletal trees, victims of the late November winds?  Or a Winter Warmer Day, when everyone finally accepts that there is no Indian summer around the corner, stashes their cotton clothes in the back of the wardrobe, and dons their thermals for the first time.  Or a pre-Christmas Purge, chucking out the old toys that haven’t been played with since last Christmas Day, clearing the decks ready for this season’s excesses.  Any of these could fuel Laura’s passion for window displays and hedge off the onslaught of Advent.

How I envy the Americans their Thanksgiving Holiday – perfectly placed to fill the void between Guy Fawkes Night and Christmas.  Would it seem churlish to celebrate it here too, as if we were glad to get those pesky Puritans off our soil?

Perhaps we can engineer an acceptable alternative of our own.  After all, we have plenty else to be thankful for.  And acknowledging our blessings might also serve to constrain the unnecessary excesses of the modern Christmas.

Happy November, everyone!