Posted in Family, Personal life

The Guinea Pig Has Left the Building

Brownie the guinea pig with Laura the Brownie
Brownie the guinea pig with Laura the Brownie

Daffodils in bloom – check.  Wild garlic in full pungent flower at the roadside  – check. Tiny white blossoms starring the bare branches of our plum trees – check. Children shrieking as they bounce up and down on the trampoline – check. Spring solstice (and my parents’ wedding anniversary) – check.  But it’s still not officially spring in our household until another important ritual takes place.

In these confusing times of climate change, it’s not always easy to spot the season.  My husband has just invested in a weather station to help us get our bearings.  A neat white plastic box displays the current time, date, temperature, air pressure, humidity, cloud cover and precipitation.  It gleans this information from a smaller white box with which it has some sort of remote communication.  According to the weather station, we experienced a fabulous run of weather the first week after he bought it  – until we realised that the smaller white box was meant to be placed out of doors, rather than on the other side of the kitchen.

But we have a more reliable indicator of the seasons.  It’s small, brown and furry, and makes endearing cheeping sounds whenever we pass by.  The volume increases in direct proportion to the volume of cucumber in our hands.

Brownie travels around according to the season.  In the summer, she grazes all day on the lawn, safe under a vast chickenwire run, constructed by my husband for her enjoyment (he can’t bear to see an animal in a cage). When we go on our summer holiday, out comes her summer palace – a large but lightweight, portable plastic house that just about fits in the back of my Ford Ka.  We take palace and pig to my brother or sister’s house, where Brownie enjoys the materialistic life of a city-dweller, spoiled with treats  from the nearby pet superstore and trimmings from Marks and Spencer salad packs.  Last year she came back from her summer holiday with a red and yellow pop-up tent.  (No guinea pig should be without one.)

Then, when the nights start to get a little cooler, she migrates into the lean-to that we euphemistically call our conservatory.  Once frost sets in, we move her properly indoors, where, in her summer palace again, she takes up residence on the utility room worktop.  So begins a more sociable time of year for her.  We have cheery conversations whenever I’m loading the dishwasher or doing the laundry, and she likes to throw in a few helpful comments as I iron my daughter’s school uniform in the morning.

But as the nights shorten, there comes a point when she must be yearning for fresh air again, and today she got her wish.  I gave her outdoor hutch a good spring clean and doused it with disinfectant.  I lined it with old copies of the Radio Times and a thick layer of hay, before scattering handfuls of the greens that are suddenly growing like Topsy in our back garden.  Brownie squeaked her approval as I gently scooped her up with both hands and took her out the back door.  The guinea pig has left the building.  So spring is here at last.

Posted in Personal life

Springing into Summer

Daffodil of spring.
Image via Wikipedia

The best thing that can be said for February is that it has only 28 days.  It’s always been my least favourite month.  So I shall be very glad when the March parish mag drops onto my doormat. Not so my husband: as he was born on 1st March, the end of February heralds that he’s aged another year.  But for me there is NOTHING good about February.

By contrast, what’s not to love about March?  The official start of spring, daffodils, green buds on trees, primroses, lambs. Simple but satisfying traditional celebrations: Pancake Day, Mother’s Day, and the Spring Solstice. And none of them will break the bank.

The Spring Solstice, incidentally, is my parents’ wedding anniversary.  21st March has always struck me as such a hopeful, optimistic date for a wedding, and it’s served them well for 58 years so far.

Then at the end of the month, the icing on the cake: the clocks spring forward – the moment we’ve been waiting for all winter.

But if the thought of March cheers you up, just wait till we get to April.  Suddenly, it’ll feel like the summer.  And I’m not talking about the weather.  With so many public holidays, April will be the new August.  A full fortnight off school will segue into the two Easter bank holidays, then the children will be back at school for just three days before another four day weekend courtesy of Prince William.  It’s so considerate of him to book his wedding adjacent to the May Day holiday.  Now there’s a man intent on restoring the Royal Family’s popularity.

Well, after the winter we’ve just had, we certainly deserve a decent summer.  Bring it on!

(This post originally appeared in the March 2011 Hawkesbury Parish News)

Posted in Family, Personal life

A Winter Makeover

Poland. Garden.
Image via Wikipedia

Overnight my garden has had a makeover.  When I opened the bedroom shutters this morning, I discovered my garden had turned green.

I should have anticipated this transformation last night, when I went out to collect some firewood from the shed and heard an unfamiliar noise on the conservatory roof: a soft, persistent drumming.  I was given a clue as to its identity: wet slippers.

“My goodness, it’s rain!,”  I cried aloud.  “I remember rain! ”

It was a very welcome sound, not least because it meant it was no longer cold enough for snow.  There followed the rush of relief that a cloudburst must bring to drought-ridden nations.  I told myself briskly not to be melodramatic – in my case, the arrival of rain was hardly a life-saver.

Even so, the sight of a verdant garden this morning was a delight after weeks of the monochrome of snow.  For a moment I was Dorothy, opening the door of her black-and-white house, air-lifted by the Kansas tornado, to find the glorious technicolour land of Oz.  I’d forgotten how green my garden could be in the middle of winter.  Yes, there are rusting remains of sweetcorn and sunflower stalks, but these are eclipsed by bright and copious ivy, glossy grass and the ever-optimistic leaves of spring bulbs.

The experience felt like a mini Winterval celebration, a welcome reminder in the darkest depths of December, at the time of the shortest nights, that the sun will return. It’s surely no coincidence that this Christmas, amid blanking piles of snow, more people than ever seem to have felt the need to put up colourful outdoor lights.  I was no exception.

I began Advent with a string of soft white lights in the apple tree in front of my house.  Nothing garish for me, I decided, sifting through B&Q’s festive offerings.  But when I got home, I discovered that against an all-white backdrop, my subtle choice was insignificant.   I swiftly added some magenta and royal blue  Christmas tree baubles to the stark brown branches and was astonished by how many neighbours remarked favourably upon them.  Then a few days before Christmas, I decamped from any attempt at good taste and strewed a string of brightly coloured fairy lights over the porch.  Along with my candle arch in the living room window and the Christmas tree lights in the old shop window (my house used to be the village post office), these conspired to lift my spirits (and my core temperature) every time I went outside the front door.

When I was a child, we used to make a game of spotting lit-up Christmas trees on the walk home from tea at my grandparents’ houses.  I’ve played that game every Christmas ever since, dismissing from my mind any prissy environmentally-friendly thoughts about wasting energy and causing light pollution.  (Who wants to stargaze in sub-zero temperatures anyway?)  Though caustic about the first one I spotted in mid-November this year, by the time the snow fell I was going out of my way to seek them out.

One night when leaving my sister’s house, I braved ice-packed sidestreets to investigate a glow of near-daylight intensity.  I followed the light, magi-like, to the end of a cul-de-sac, where four houses were festooned with enough flashing Santas and prancing reindeer to necessitate 24-hour sunglasses for the residents. It was worth the dangerous detour.

And now, mid-morning, there’s a fine mist descending, the teasing ghost of the snow that’s melted away.  As spring steps up to the starting line, all that will be left is a white memory, dwindling to homeopathic strength.  By the New Year, we’ll all be sighing nostalgically about how beautiful it was while it lasted, all thoughts of school closures, delayed mail order and car crashes forgotten.  But even so, I’ll be very surprised if we’re craving a white Christmas next year.  Here’s to colourful New Year!

Posted in Family, Personal life

And So This is Christmas…

Hourglass
Image via Wikipedia

It’s as if the whole world is on fast forward.  Sitting down to write this month’s column, I can’t help feeling it’s only a week since I sent in the last one.  Getting my daughter ready for her weekly tapdancing class on Tuesday, I had the impression that I’d done the same the day before.   I still have to concentrate when writing a cheque to ensure I don’t date it 2009.

When I was 14 my history teacher, Ms Trebst, explained to the class that one’s concept of time changes with age.  A five year old has to wait 20% of her life from one Christmas to the next, she told us, while for a 50 year old, the interval is just 2%.

We were sceptical.  Ms Trebst had a reputation for getting things wrong.  For a whole lesson, she’d talked to us about “Visgoths” before we pointed out that as it was spelt Visigoths it must be pronounced Vizzy Goths.  “What, like Fuzzy Bear?” she gasped in disbelief, as if this tribe of barbarians couldn’t possibly be called something that sounded a bit cuddly.

Ms Trebst was also renowned for debauched habits. To mark multiple-choice tests , she’d use her cigarette to burn holes in a sheet of A4, making a template for where the right answers should appear on the test paper.  She offered extra marks if we stapled chocolate to our homework.  But at least she marked it properly.  Another teacher failed to spot a cake recipe that my friend had embedded in her essay to test her theory that he graded your homework according to how much he liked you.  She got an A.

But time was on Ms Trebst’s side.  I’ve been around long enough now to know from first-hand experience that  she was right.  I perceive everything to be happening 7 times faster than my daughter does, because the ratio of our ages is currently 1:7.  It must be tough being a new-born baby.  That first day in the big wide world, it must seem literally like a life time between the first feed and the next.  No wonder babies cry so much.

Oh well, better sign off and email this column off before the deadline – then sit down tomorrow to write the next one.

Merry Christmas, everyone.  Of course, it will be over all too quickly, but don’t worry, there’ll be another one along before you know it.

(This post was originally published in the December 2010 edition of the Hawkesbury Parish News.)

Posted in Family, Personal life

Let It Glow

A set of fluorescent Christmas lights
Image via Wikipedia

You don’t need me to tell you that the autumn colours have been fantastic this year.  Each day late October, early November, I kept thinking “I really must bring my camera with me next time I’m out”. Everywhere I went, breathtaking treescapes of gold, amber and bronze, dramatic as fireworks, rose out of rich, dark, newly-ploughed hills.  Then, overnight, they disappeared.   Strong winds stripped the trees bare, leaving muddy heaps of compost at their feet. It was as if a herbicidal maniac had been on the rampage.  Suddenly it was winter. The clocks had gone back.  And it was dark.

My sense of loss at this overnight tragedy made me less dismissive than I might otherwise have been when a day or two later I spotted my first Christmas tree of the year in the front window of a house near my mum’s.  Not only had the occupants put the tree up on the wrong side of Remembrance Day.  They’d also sprayed lavish drifts of fake snow on the windowpanes, as if egging on the winter to do its worst.  The shiny red stars and golden bells were a garish echo of the subtle russets and auburns of the departed autumn leaves, but boy, was it a cheery sight.

All at once I found myself looking forward to the rash of Christmas lights that would inevitably follow.  Nothing cheers me in winter as much as bright lights.  In a former life I must have been a Druid.  For the rest of the year, my usual mantra is “Put that light out!” (So maybe I was once an ARP warden?) My husband and daughter treat our household like a Christmas tree all year round, in terms of lighting, and for the rest of the year, I go round turning unnecessary lights off, muttering disapproval.  But when it comes to midwinter, I need a burst of light to stop me hibernating.

Certain local routes round here provide a real tonic at this season.  Last year, the white-lit Christmas trees, hung proudly like flags above the shops through the centre of Tetbury, were as cheering to me as any Olympic opening ceremony.  And who can resist the uplifting annual switching on of the Christmas lights?  Passing by the Arboretum, I’ll slow down to savour the “shop window” for the Enchanted Wood, which revitalises bare trees with coloured floodlights.  And just a little further down the Bath Road, there’s an ever-growing beacon that takes many by surprise.  The first time I passed that way after dark, I was convinced that I was about to come across a major conflagration on the road ahead.  I listened out for sirens, but there were none.  Rounding the bend, I discovered it was actually just Willesley’s cattery and kennels in all their electric glory.  Their furry residents must feel ever festive by Christmas Day.

In the past, I’ve shied away from too lavish a Christmas lighting scheme at my own home.  Think Ikea candle arches, and you’ll get the picture.  But this year, in the depths of this dark winter, I feel the need to throw caution to the winds.  That’s appropriate enough, as my electricity comes from the wind-powered Ecotricity in Stroud.  If their profits suddenly go up next quarter, you’ll know the reason why:  I’m planning to splash out this year on the festive lighting front.  Now, can anyone tell me the best place in Tetbury to buy an illuminated reindeer?

Wishing all Tetbury Advertiser readers a very merry Christmas, and a New Year filled with light.  Let it glow, let it glow, let it glow…

(This post was originally published in the Tetbury Advertiser)